Magic Joke Crap (Plus, Pagliacci Shows You How To Keep a Magician In Suspense)
I found a great list magic jokes at Pay Out Time for Magicians. I edited the jokes, removed some of the less funny ones, corrected the grammar, and grouped them by topic, resulting in the list of jokes you see below. Prepare yourself for self-depracatory magic humor at its best.
Did you hear about the terrorists who took a convention of magicians hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.
Why do so many people take an instant dislike to magicians?
It saves them time in the long run.
Why did they put 200 magicians at the bottom of the ocean?
Someone heard that magicians really were good people deep down.
What the difference between a magician and his South American Macaw?
One of them is noisy, loud, and obnoxious, and the other one is a bird.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the guy with the card tricks.
What's the difference between a close-up magician and an Uzi?
An Uzi only repeats itself 40 times.
What's the difference between a card guy and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a card guy.
What's the difference between a magic collector and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
What's brown and looks really good on a magician?
A doberman.
Where do manipulators play best?
In traffic.
How did the illusionist end up with a million dollars in his bank account?
He started with two million.
An illusionist won the lottery and was asked, "Will all this newly acquired wealth change your life in any way?" "Nope," says he, " I'm gonna keep playing gigs until the money runs out..."
Two magi are talking and one says "I am really doing well: my bookings are at an all time high and I have been able to buy a much larger house and new car!" The other says, "Really! I did not know that!" The first continues, "My magic book has gone to the top of the best-selling non-fiction section and the publishers have given me a huge advance on the sequel!" The second says "Wow! I did not know that!" The first carries on: "Of course my TV series is about to hit the screens nationwide and my life story is being turned into a major film starring Tom Hanks!" The second says "That's incredible. I did not know that!" "But you know," the first continues, "I did a children's party the other day and it was a fiasco!" "Yes," said the second magician, "I heard about that!"
Did you hear about the terrorists who took a convention of magicians hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.
Why do so many people take an instant dislike to magicians?
It saves them time in the long run.
Why did they put 200 magicians at the bottom of the ocean?
Someone heard that magicians really were good people deep down.
What the difference between a magician and his South American Macaw?
One of them is noisy, loud, and obnoxious, and the other one is a bird.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the guy with the card tricks.
What's the difference between a close-up magician and an Uzi?
An Uzi only repeats itself 40 times.
What's the difference between a card guy and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a card guy.
What's the difference between a magic collector and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
What's brown and looks really good on a magician?
A doberman.
Where do manipulators play best?
In traffic.
How did the illusionist end up with a million dollars in his bank account?
He started with two million.
An illusionist won the lottery and was asked, "Will all this newly acquired wealth change your life in any way?" "Nope," says he, " I'm gonna keep playing gigs until the money runs out..."
Two magi are talking and one says "I am really doing well: my bookings are at an all time high and I have been able to buy a much larger house and new car!" The other says, "Really! I did not know that!" The first continues, "My magic book has gone to the top of the best-selling non-fiction section and the publishers have given me a huge advance on the sequel!" The second says "Wow! I did not know that!" The first carries on: "Of course my TV series is about to hit the screens nationwide and my life story is being turned into a major film starring Tom Hanks!" The second says "That's incredible. I did not know that!" "But you know," the first continues, "I did a children's party the other day and it was a fiasco!" "Yes," said the second magician, "I heard about that!"
posted by Pagliacci @ 4:58 AM
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