New Blog Crap

I just received an e-mail from the magician behind the new blog, Freely Mental. I love this blog - it's original (no one else is tackling a subject like this, in this way) and has some really, really good ideas (come on, you know you wish you thought of the iPod thing first!).

I highly recommend Freely Mental. It's definitely worth checking out.

New Rules Update

Recent posts from Magician X have indicated to me that not everyone understood my last post.

However, one of readers, Ian, understood exactly what I meant. So, rather than respond to Magician X directly, I'll jsut let Ian say it for me:

Thanks God - at last someone has said it.

Magic blogs have been on a self referential downward spiral for months now. Most bloggers seem to only have a few posts worth of interesting content stored up and run out of steam very quickly.

I see your post has upset another blogger who seems unable to see that your "rules" are not "you must obey me" rules - but instead "if you want anyone to find your blog at all interesting you should think about this" rules. Many bloggers claim they don't care who reads their blogs and that people who don't like what they write should fuck off elsewhere - but in reality if they didn't want people to read their blogs they wouldn't be blogging, they'd be keeping a private journal.

Ian

Thanks, Ian! Magician X, maybe you should have taken my advice and e-mailed me first before writing a post that makes clear how little you understood of my last post. Keep up your otherwise great work, though, with your blog!

New Rules

Magic blogs are really starting to suck. I'm even having trouble reading some of favorite blogs without vomiting on myself. But let me explain.

After starting my blog, I made a clear decision to (1) not comment on issues that another blog(s) had already commented on and (2) not get involved in inter-blog politics. The goal, of course, of this decision was to keep my blog both fresh and original. I wanted my readers to know and to recognize that my blog was the only place they could find the kind of insights I offer.

That being said, I can't help myself anymore in commenting on the recent (de-)evolution of magic blogs. There are two very major problems developing within the magic blogging community that I can see, so I'd like to first address each of them and then detail possible solutions.

[Before I start, I should acknowledge that many of these comments may appear ironic in light of the subject matter of this post. Indeed, a post criticizing other bloggers, for example, for blogging about themselves is inherently hypocritical. Yet, I feel that I must ask for your understanding that, in raising these issues, you understand that this post is an exception and not the rule. Thus, when I write, for example, "Who gives a shit what other bloggers do?" in a post all about what other bloggers do, you must think of me foremost as a magic blog reader reacting to other blogs rather than as a magic blogger writing about these reactions.]

Here are the four major problems:

(1) Too much self-involvement in the blogging community: The original magic bloggers started in order to comment on the magic community. They used a digital tool (the blog) but focused mostly on real people and real issues from the real world. At this point, however, too much attention is being focused on the blogging community itself (which does, in my opinion, absolutely nothing for our precious art form). Who gives a shit what other bloggers do?

(2) Too much repetition in the magic blogging community: This ties into the first problem. If you look at the last month worth of posts from most the major magic blogs, you'll notice something: they probably all have to do with either the Magic Cafe, Whit Haydn, or Criss Angel. Each one of those topics brings to light different issues, so let's break them down separately:

(a) The Magic Cafe - Guys, it's fucking done. We realize that Steve Brooks is an asshole, he staff is comprised of douches, and the members of it are retarded. What else is there to say? I love the Magic Circle Jerk (it is, after all, what started all of this), but we get it. I really don't want to see another fucking post about the Magic Cafe. You've not only beating a dead horse - you're exhuming it, raping it in the ass, and jizzing in its eye sockets.

(b) Whit Haydn - So every blogger and his mother decided to have his/her say on the issue, spent weeks writing about it, and then everybody decided, "Whoops. Sorry. Didn't mean any of it." Stand by your fucking opinions! Plus, why was EVERYBODY commenting on it. One or two bloggers raising the issue would have been enough. New rule: If you don't have anything new to say, don't say anything at all.

(c) Criss Angel - He represents a combination of the above issues. I think we've all gotten how much you guys don't like him, so stop repeating yourselves. Additionally, if you're going to comment on it, at least add something new to the discussion. It's a waste of both your time and ours to read a rehash of something we've already read.

(3) Too many problems and not enough solutions in the magic community: It's fine to criticize, but why not suggest ways to make things better, too? If you're going to dis Criss Angel, why not suggest ways that Criss or others contemplating making a television show can create something you would enjoy watching? We need to be constructive and not destructive in our criticism. Unless some flagrant asshole really fucking deserves it.

What solutions can I offer? How about these simple rules that, if followed, will prevent most of the "Big 3" is described about? These, in fact, are the rules that I try to follow. (Obviously, there are - and should - be exceptions, but these rules make good guidelines for good blogging.)

RULE 1: The first person to blog about an issue "gets" that issue. This means that if someone else makes a post about an issue, don't make your own post about that issue, unless it adds a radically new insight to the problem. Writing your own post about an issue should be a last resort: e-mail the blogger or add a comment to the post.

RULE 2: Once it seems that everybody has a consensus on an issue, the issue is, for all practical purposes, dead and posts on the topic should stop. Obviously, if anything changes, as things often do, the issue should be resurrected. However, I think it can be agreed that any post, for example, about how idiotic the Magic Cafe is is redundant at this point (therefore, the issue of idiocy at the Magic Cafe is, for all intents and purposes, a dead issue).

RULE 3: Research something FULLY before posting about it. This whole Whit Haydn fiasco (which I believe was entirely bullshit) wouldn't have happened if somebody had just directly e-mailed Whit before posting.

RULE 4: Be constructive rather than destructive in your criticism. Do you always have to suggest possible solutions? Of course not. But simply bad-mouthing everything you don't like won't get us - magic bloggers, magic blog readers, and the rest of the magic community - anywhere.

All of these rules can be combined into one big rule.

*** GENERAL RULE: Your posts should be fresh, offer a new or different perspective, and contribute - in a positive way, either directly or indirectly - to the development of our art form.If what you have to say doesn't add anything original or constructive to the magic community (not just the magic blogging community, mind you), don't say it. ***

The reason I blog and the reason I read other magic blogs is that I believe that there is a real potential for developing magic blogs as a tool for enhancing and bettering our fantastic art form. It is my sincere hope that this advice helps us achieve that wonderful goal.

Thanks for All Your Crap!

I was going to send a porn video to every one of my readers in honor of breaking the 20,000 hit mark in just 7 and a half months, but then this happened. Crap.

FCCrap

The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) fined Howard Stern for "graphic and explicit" language over public radio waves. The FCC included a transcript of the offending program, which includes a reference to the "David Copperfield" (see page 2 and 3 of the transcript).

Here's the excerpt:

Male Cast Member (MV): I heard a new one the other day. It was "David Copperfield."

Howard Stern (HS)/Robin Quivers (RQ): Right.

MV: So do you want me to explain it, since I... When you're goin' like a dog

HS: Right

MV: ...and your about to finish and instead you don't finish, you spit on her and then you turn around and when she turns her face around then you go... So it's kind of like an illusion...
HS: Right.

MV: to David Copperfield.

RQ: Sleight of hand.

HS: Misdirection.

MV: Classic misdirection.

HS: You trick her....

Good to see the tools of our art form being put to good use!

New Flash Crap

Do you know what time it is? That's right - it's Magical Trevor time! The zany wizard of Magical Trevor and Magical Trevor II is back with a whole new adventure, Magical Trevor III!

Definitely swing by the site and check out the magical, chinchilla goodness!

Oh Crap! It's the Magical Mystery Tour!

Pagliacci is branching out. In addition to a popular blog, Pagliacci will now be giving magical tours.

Let me share with you the details of Pagliacci's Magical Mystery Tour,* a once-in-a-lifetime magic extravaganza that'll take you to three cities and five magic shows in five days. Here's our itinerary:



We leave Sunday night/Monday morning for New York City. At night, we'll check out Monday Night Magic, the longest-running magic show in New York. After the show, we'll join the cast for dinner, an invitation the cast of Monday Night Magic extends to any magician visiting (no, seriously).

On Tuesday morning, we head for Boston where we'll can catch the Mystery Lounge, Monday Night Magic's predecessor.

After the show and some brief time in the Hong Kong with the cast of the night (again, something you can do on your own if you're not on the tour), we begin driving down to Washington, D.C. to see Wednesday Wizardry.

On Thursday, we'll swing back to Boston to catch Le Gran David and His Own Spectacular Magic Show.

On the way back to where we started - New York - we'll watch Steve Cohn's show, Chamber Magic at the Waldorf-Astoria.



I whole-heatedly recommend all of these shows. Plus, since Monday Night Magic, Mystery Lounge, and Wednesday Wizardry all feature a rotating cast of regulars and special guests, you can do this tour over and over again and always get different shows!




* Pagliacci's Magical Mystery Tour is not a real tour. If you're thinking about actually forming an enterprise to five day tour like I described, good thinking - you may even become moderately wealthy from doing it. Just remember who gave you the idea - you owe me.

Review Crap

My recent vacation to Las Vegas, suffice it to say, involved seeing many, many magicians. Maybe too many, actually. But I have to say, even though I enjoyed everyone of them, there was one show that stuck out in my mind. Let me describe it to you as I saw it:

The lights rise on stage as the magician strides to stage center. He begins in a loud and commanding voice, "I will now cause a mysterious white liquid to squirt out of my enourmous magic wand."

The magician then pulls down his pants to reveal a ginormous python of a cock, which has been painted. The head is white, the three-foot shaft is black, and the balls are black.

"For this I need my lovely assistant," the magician says.

A 5-year-old blonde girl runs out on to the stage. She has gorgeous blue eyes, blazing blonde hair, and a cherubic smile. She also has Downs Syndrome.

"She will warm the wand up until the magic happens!" her father declares.

The little girl gets down on her knees and begins to give the father a blowjob. The father starts moaning louder and louder as he reaches climax. All of a sudden, the father screams and he shoot his load right through the back of his daughter's head, spraying blood, brain, skin, and cum all over the stage.

By then, the magician's son and wife have quietly made their way on stage. The son rips off his tear-away pants to reveal that large cocks do indeed run in the family. He spies his sister and begins furiously fucking the hole in the back of her head while the father, whose erection returns, begin fucking her in the ass.

The wife, turned on by all of this, begins to furiously fist herself, which causes blood to erupt on stage. You see, as the mother violently inserted her fist, arm, and elbow into her vagina, she has accidently dislodged the unborn fetus from her uterus.

A doctor, clutching his monkey, runs on to the stage and yells, "Yes! Another abortion! Fuck you pro-life assholes!" He begins to suck off the monkey in utter glee.

As the mother reaches climax, the father, the son, and the monkey all cum on her, leaving the mother whiter and stickier than a truckload of glazed donuts. Seeing this, the doctor cums on the mother's face and adds to the mess.

The mother then rolls around in the cum, blood, brains, guts, skin, and aborted fetus that are already on the stage before shitting herself in delight.

The doctor begins to take both the son and the father's cock in his mouth, but vomits as the cocks activate his gag reflex. The doc vomits profusely over the mother.

The magician then snaps his fingers and a group of chained slaves appear out of thin air. "Fetch me my Mexicans, blackies, or I'll whip you!"

The slaves run off stage and return with two gardeners. They're Puerto Rican, but nobody seems to notice. Or care.

The father then screams, "Mexicans, kill some Japs and fetch me some Jews!"

The Mexicans fire into the crowd of Japanese and run off. As the Mexicans drag a doctor, an accountant, and a lawyer onto the stage, a group of Nazis led by a resurrected Adolf Hitler brutally gangbang and then kill and then gangbang again the three Jews.

"Jesus Christ!" the gay doctor exclaims.

"Fag," the son, who had started sucking off the doctor, exclaimed.

The stupid Mexicans, misinterpreting the doctor, run off stage yet again and return with Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary.

"Virgin, my ass!" Jesus cries and begins fucking his mother, the Virgin Mary, in the ass.

Instead of cum, however, a magical spoon erupts from Jesus' circumcized penis, causing Jesus to vomit in pain all over the mother.

The father shoots the slaves and the Mexicans in the head, places their bodies in a blender, and pours the mixture over the wife. The Nazis, having finished their final gangband, piss all over the magician's wife.

The father, the son, the doctor, and the Nazi group all grab spoons and begin eating the cum, blood, vomit, guts, skin, organs, shit, piss, and aborted fetus.

"Mmmm...mmmmm...good!" they all cry out in unison.

And what was the name of the show? Say it with me: "The Aristocrats."


[Just don't get it? Click here and get all the information about one of the funniest movies of all time.]


And, for the record, in regard to what's been said in the Magic Cafe and Andster's blog, I've worked at stand-up clubs and we've been telling this joke for years. Some of the older guys have been telling it for decades. The Aristocrats joke is not a hoax.