My recent vacation to Las Vegas, suffice it to say, involved seeing many, many magicians. Maybe too many, actually. But I have to say, even though I enjoyed everyone of them, there was one show that stuck out in my mind. Let me describe it to you as I saw it:
The lights rise on stage as the magician strides to stage center. He begins in a loud and commanding voice, "I will now cause a mysterious white liquid to squirt out of my enourmous magic wand."
The magician then pulls down his pants to reveal a ginormous python of a cock, which has been painted. The head is white, the three-foot shaft is black, and the balls are black.
"For this I need my lovely assistant," the magician says.
A 5-year-old blonde girl runs out on to the stage. She has gorgeous blue eyes, blazing blonde hair, and a cherubic smile. She also has Downs Syndrome.
"She will warm the wand up until the magic happens!" her father declares.
The little girl gets down on her knees and begins to give the father a blowjob. The father starts moaning louder and louder as he reaches climax. All of a sudden, the father screams and he shoot his load right through the back of his daughter's head, spraying blood, brain, skin, and cum all over the stage.
By then, the magician's son and wife have quietly made their way on stage. The son rips off his tear-away pants to reveal that large cocks do indeed run in the family. He spies his sister and begins furiously fucking the hole in the back of her head while the father, whose erection returns, begin fucking her in the ass.
The wife, turned on by all of this, begins to furiously fist herself, which causes blood to erupt on stage. You see, as the mother violently inserted her fist, arm, and elbow into her vagina, she has accidently dislodged the unborn fetus from her uterus.
A doctor, clutching his monkey, runs on to the stage and yells, "Yes! Another abortion! Fuck you pro-life assholes!" He begins to suck off the monkey in utter glee.
As the mother reaches climax, the father, the son, and the monkey all cum on her, leaving the mother whiter and stickier than a truckload of glazed donuts. Seeing this, the doctor cums on the mother's face and adds to the mess.
The mother then rolls around in the cum, blood, brains, guts, skin, and aborted fetus that are already on the stage before shitting herself in delight.
The doctor begins to take both the son and the father's cock in his mouth, but vomits as the cocks activate his gag reflex. The doc vomits profusely over the mother.
The magician then snaps his fingers and a group of chained slaves appear out of thin air. "Fetch me my Mexicans, blackies, or I'll whip you!"
The slaves run off stage and return with two gardeners. They're Puerto Rican, but nobody seems to notice. Or care.
The father then screams, "Mexicans, kill some Japs and fetch me some Jews!"
The Mexicans fire into the crowd of Japanese and run off. As the Mexicans drag a doctor, an accountant, and a lawyer onto the stage, a group of Nazis led by a resurrected Adolf Hitler brutally gangbang and then kill and then gangbang again the three Jews.
"Jesus Christ!" the gay doctor exclaims.
"Fag," the son, who had started sucking off the doctor, exclaimed.
The stupid Mexicans, misinterpreting the doctor, run off stage yet again and return with Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary.
"Virgin, my ass!" Jesus cries and begins fucking his mother, the Virgin Mary, in the ass.
Instead of cum, however, a magical spoon erupts from Jesus' circumcized penis, causing Jesus to vomit in pain all over the mother.
The father shoots the slaves and the Mexicans in the head, places their bodies in a blender, and pours the mixture over the wife. The Nazis, having finished their final gangband, piss all over the magician's wife.
The father, the son, the doctor, and the Nazi group all grab spoons and begin eating the cum, blood, vomit, guts, skin, organs, shit, piss, and aborted fetus.
"Mmmm...mmmmm...good!" they all cry out in unison.
And what was the name of the show? Say it with me: "The Aristocrats."
[Just don't get it? Click here
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And, for the record, in regard to what's been said in the Magic Cafe and Andster's blog
, I've worked at stand-up clubs and we've been telling this joke for years
. Some of the older guys have been telling it for decades
. The Aristocrats joke is not